Take One As Needed: Medical Limericks

By Howard J. Bennett, MD

People have been writing limericks for hundreds of years. While most of these gems have devilishly sexual overtones, some are more general in nature. Since there aren’t many limericks with medical themes, I thought I’d concoct a few of my own.

There once was a floor nurse named Doodle,
Who rarely relied on her noodle.
When temperatures rose
She powdered her nose
And sat on her kit and caboodle.

An old man from Denver named Lee
Had a prostate as big as a tree.
Because of his plight,
His sphincter was tight,
And it took him two hours to pee.

Said the mother whose babe had been teething,
“He was crying in bed, really seething.
But now he’s asleep,
Not making a peep,
Should we wake him to make sure he’s breathing?”

A vascular surgeon from Kent
Had a patient who needed a stent.
But the man only dined
On sausage and wine,
So his remains are now in cement.

Said a chiropractor named Mack,
To a patient with pain in his back,
“I will straighten your spine
So your bones are aligned,
And you’ll soon be a pro in the sack.”

There once was a student named Tutt,
Who spent his whole day doing scut.
“I take bloods to the lab,
Never stopping to gab,
While my intern’s upstairs on his butt.”

There once was a surgeon named Fife,
Who did fabulous things with his knife.
But one day he said “Foul!”
As he cut through some bowel,
And now he must find a new wife.

There was a young doctor named Dean
Who had sex with his ex-wife Colleen.
The coroner said,
“He dropped dead in bed
‘Cause he took calls betwixt and between.”

There once was a patient named Silya
Who asked, “Can insomnia killya?”
“That depends,” said her doc
As he glanced at his clock,
“On whether you pay when I bill ya.”

There once was a woman named Lil
Who’s doctor suggested the Pill.
But she often neglected
To do as directed,
And she now had a baby named Phil.

© 2012 Howard J. Bennett. All Rights Reserved.

(First published in Stitches, The Journal of Medical Humor May 2002.)